im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
