the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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