sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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