Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
