oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
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i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
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I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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