I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize