Banned from zoo.
Again?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
