dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize
