Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
