I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
