I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
