I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
