I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
you will always have a special place in my vag
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Randomize
