Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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