I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
The convent might be a nice break from real life
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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