I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
