she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
