Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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