How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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