Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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