Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
