If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
