he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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