Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
he puts the penis in happiness.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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