i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
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turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
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it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.