its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
