fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
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When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
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