Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
