Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
