Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
