Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
