u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
This is my gift to your gina
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
