I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
