I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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