I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
