i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
