I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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