I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
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Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
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I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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