wanna go halves on a baby?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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