There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Couch. On fire.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize