Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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