he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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