ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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