Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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