I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
