This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
