At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
