I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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