Tell her she can't have a vagina
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Randomize
