he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
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I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
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You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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