and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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