You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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