Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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