Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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