If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
