Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
