hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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