my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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