I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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