I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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