Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
