Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
